Thursday, April 06, 2006

SCIENCE, WHAT A JOKE!

So, I'm sure all of you, suffering from serious insomnia because your roommate is out of town, were up watching the 3amish ABC world news coverage. Perhaps you also somehow missed what they kept teasing: a story about science explaining one of Jesus' greatest miracles. Well, waking up this morning and realizing I stayed up watching this whole damn broadcast without seeing the story, I did some research and here is the article, and may I simply say, THE AGE OF SCIENCE NEVER ENDS! Three cheers for science! Jim Loney will no doubt win a Pulitzer for this:

MIAMI (Reuters) - The New Testament says that Jesus walked on water, but a Florida university professor believes there could be a less miraculous explanation -- he walked on a floating piece of ice.

Please read that again before moving on. ICE! OF COURSE! WHAT A TRICKSTER JESUS WAS! Here's the "science" to back up this thesis:

Nof, a professor of oceanography at Florida State University, said on Tuesday that his study found an unusual combination of water and atmospheric conditions in what is now northern Israel could have led to ice formation on the Sea of Galilee.

Nof used records of the Mediterranean Sea's surface temperatures and statistical models to examine the dynamics of the Sea of Galilee, which Israelis know now as Lake Kinneret.

The study found that a period of cooler temperatures in the area between 1,500 and 2,600 years ago could have included the decades in which Jesus lived.

A drop in temperature below freezing could have caused ice thick enough to support a human to form on the surface of the freshwater lake near the western shore, Nof said. It might have been nearly impossible for distant observers to see a piece of floating ice surrounded by water.

Might have been indeed! Especially since Jesus came surfing in on a piece of ice in the middle of a huge storm. The disciples are so stupid! They thought Jesus was walking when in reality he was miraculously surfing on a piece of ice during a huge storm and making it look like he was walking. I almost like this new version of the miracle better.

If you ask me if I believe someone walked on water, no, I don't," Nof said. "Maybe somebody walked on the ice, I don't know. I believe that something natural was there that explains it."

"We leave to others the question of whether or not our research explains the biblical account."

Really? Well I'm glad that he can finally rest his mind, now that he knows Jesus walked on ice instead of water. I'm sure he can go to church again. I'm just glad "we leave to others the question of whether or not our research explains the biblical account." I'm also glad that his "research" showed that if it was colder when Jesus was around then there would have been the possibility of ice. I'm also glad that he is so incredibly scientific in his thinking that he thinks there would be ice thick enough to support Jesus but thin enough that 1. the disciples could travel their boat through it and 2. they wouldn't realize Jesus was on ice! I'm glad that since I work on a boat I have just as much if not more credibility than this scientist and if I see someone who I believe is walking on water, I'm probably checking to see if they're standing on anything. But most of all, I'm glad for science and awesome journalists who don't take the easiest way out, that being the way of most biblical scholars who just say the Bible is full of crazy stories that aren't true.

In other Jesus, water, and science news, check out this article about these awesome Jesus Lizards. I never knew.

7 Comments:

At 4/06/2006 8:13 PM, Anonymous ryan Hansen said...

I agree Jake, I am inclined to think the Ice floe surfing is much more miraculous than walking on the water. I mean, I've never surfed, but I have attempted to snowboard once and man, its hard. Jesus surfed all the way out to the boat, now that is truly amazing. Jesus must have brought out an extra ice flow with him so Peter could try it too, only Peter fell off--ice is slippery, you know.

 
At 4/06/2006 8:20 PM, Blogger Jake Sikora said...

ryan, i really like thinking about peter slipping on the ice. i was trying to think of a good peter joke to include but this slipping idea adds to the whole thing. or maybe jesus pushed him down when he saw peter looking down and realizing that jesus was just standing on ice. jesus didn't want peter to blow the trick.

 
At 4/06/2006 9:17 PM, Blogger Dusty said...

This guy must believe in the "south park Jesus"...turn around...turn around...

Good find, Jake.

Peace

 
At 4/06/2006 10:41 PM, Blogger [rab] said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4/06/2006 11:13 PM, Blogger dave said...

Well this gives several new quality to the Jesus that we thought we knew. Jesus was possibly involved in xtreme sports, Jesus may have been from australia or possibly california hence the surfing skills, Jesus obviously must have had some improvisational training since he couldn't possibly have known that that ice would have floated by just at the right time, it seems he saw it floating and just ran with it, good play jesus, good play!

Man, this just makes me love jesus more!

 
At 4/07/2006 3:47 PM, Blogger erica*ann said...

jake, what you said about jesus pushing peter down made me laugh really hard. so hard, in fact, that my side now hurts.

 
At 4/08/2006 11:50 AM, Blogger Liza said...

ok, so Jake, when I first read this, I thought you meant Amish, when you said you were watching it at 3amish. And then I got really excited, like whoa! CBS totally has an Amish newscaster in the middle of the night? How could I not know?

 

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