Friday, November 11, 2005

God Hates PA

So I go through these phases. No, not circadian rhythms, though I guess I do have those. I mean these phases where I care to talk about Pat Robertson, and other phases where I couldn't really give a crap what the heck he says.

But he's at it again. And because Jake is abroad, I guess it falls on my shoulders to point out the singularity that is Pat Robertson with his foot in his mouf.

We had elections this week. Not many big ones, mind you. But a few. In one race an 18-year-old was elected mayor in my old hometown of Hillsdale, MI. And apparently, as I was trying to find a link for you, I noticed that I missed his appearance on Late Nite with David Letterman. Rats.

But also this past election day, school board members of Dover, PA who favored the teaching of intelligent design were voted off the island. Or boardroom. Whichever is more appropriate.

But of course, that's not the story. The real story started when Pat Robertson opened his mouth:

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city."

No mention of the fact that they won't be able to turn to Allah, Krishna or alien scientists from Alpha Centauri. But I'm thinking his statement was just truncated by the NY Times and CBS News. It's no secret that Dan Rather is quite the liberal scoundrel and cheat -- a killer of puppies and innocent panda cubs, too, from what I hear.

Robertson continued, "God is tolerant and loving, but we can't keep sticking our finger in His eye forever. If they have future problems in Dover, I recommend they call on Charles Darwin, maybe he can help them."

Charles Darwin, indeed. Unknown to Robertson, as a youth Darwin had "excellent athletic abilities, being a swift runner and an excellent rock thrower." Touche, good fellow!

Also, from my understanding of God, and maybe someone could back me up, he doesn't have eyes. While it is true that Jesus does have eyes, from the Gospel accounts, I would contend that if one were to stick their finger in his eye, he would allow said person to stick another said finger in his other eye.

Cause that just the way he rolls.

So Pat....

...oh wait, I just stopped caring.

The End.


At 11/11/2005 10:19 AM, Anonymous Molly said...

SERIOUSLY...why does anyone even report on the moronic things he says? it's just not fair. somehow, pat robertson gets to be the representative of "evangelical christians". i almost had a heart attack when i read this last night.

and btw, the hillsdale mayor was on the today show this morning with katie couric. he sounds like an idiot.

At 11/11/2005 1:15 PM, Blogger Dusty said...

Well, it is not entirely his fault...I mean he is 18 and a politician...Both groups are abnormally characterized as idiots...I guess he chose to be politician.


At 11/11/2005 2:45 PM, Blogger Jake Sikora said...

Jonny you forgot to mention that the fine citizens of Dover can call upon the Flying Spaghetti Monster who, although upset that His intellegent design is not being taught in PA, understands that people mostly have a problem with Christians. For those who need a reminder or still haven't ordered their t-shirts, here's the link again:

and about the new mayor, i don't care how old he is, i wouldn't serve him communion. so there.

At 11/12/2005 2:10 AM, Anonymous molly said...

I don't care how old he is or isn't...he sounded foolish and inexperienced. I just think oral communication ought to be refined if you're going to appear on national television, the "number one morning news show in America".

Besides, it's Hillsdale. Who cares.

At 11/12/2005 9:39 PM, Blogger dave said...

pat robertson is such a hunk

At 11/12/2005 9:55 PM, Blogger Liza said...

I wish Pat Robertson hadn't evolved. Secretly, however, I just want to grab his little chipmunk cheeks and SQUEEZE!!! wubawubawubah

At 11/13/2005 7:50 AM, Blogger Dusty said...

I know Robertson says the craziest stuff, but have we had any great quotes by Dobson...They seem more controversial, because I think most people know that Robertson is losing it. Dobson still has loyal followers that will believe everything he says, and more people that we probably know...

Ok, I need a nap before church...



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